First of all thank you all for your wonderful feedback, it has really helped me with going through and fixing my research. It is worth mentioning the value of getting a wide and diverse range of feedback, which allows you to see your own work from different perspectives. I have compiled a series of notes from all the feedback I received. I have not paid attention to proofreading as they are just notes for myself on issues that should be addressed:
- Double check citation
- Write numbers as words
- “In their essay”… replace with “et al”
- “It make players more likely…”
- When talking about ‘communities’ differentiate between talking about game communities or development communities.
- Avoid repetition of idea’s
- Keep all discussions relevant, try not to wander too far off topic to make a point.
- Find a better way to blend the flow between paragraphs
- Avoid introductory sentences
- Avoid headings
- Keep image text order consistent
- Focus on the discussing content of the essay rather than simply trying to justify the content
- Need to blend the lens into the rest of the essay better, right now ideas feel too separate.
- The body of the essay needs to tie in better with this. Go through the introduction again and remember to emphasise the relationship between the player, the game developer and social media through the lens of Pérez’s work with Salen and Zimmerman.
- Needs more context building
- Need to get to the point with this, needs restructure, seem to jump around between introducing topic, scope and purpose.
- Should be: Scope, Introduction to the topic, introduction to structure
- Talk a bit more about how traditional marketing strategies were affected.
- Elaborate on what the indie apocalypse is and that steam or the app store are distribution platforms not social media ones.
- “Your social media is the beginning of a conversation” this quote can compare how this is unlike traditional marketing which could be a good lead in of the discussion on performances spaces.
- This needs to be talking about marketing more and starting to tie in the lens
- Introduce the idea of performance spaces
- Need to start linking social media to performance spaces.
- The narrative and story engages people
- What are the social media contexts, why are these performance spaces.
- Create a stronger link between these performance spaces and marketing
- It’s not only about community but about a positive brand image.
- Lead in sentence of performance spaces NEEDS to be more concise
- A clearer definition of Telematic and pervasive performance
- What is it that social media presence has on marketing compared to what we had in the past
- Social media lets us share performances.
- Social media lets people share their performance
- Think of shakespeare and sharing inclusive information with the audience.
- Could these ideas also be considered part of the active and passive performance idea?
- Emphasise social media as transformative play
- Content building, sharing in performance spaces as an extension of transformative play.
- Rather use tilt brush video as an example of transformative play
Our own lens
- This needs to be clarified better and it needs to stay consistent
- Direct performance = Player + Game
- Extended Performance= Game to social media (Anything outside of the game)
- Emergent Performance= Social media affecting the game (The outside effecting the game)
~~ how extended performance can affect the direct performance
- Need to create a stronger link between performance spaces relating to transformative play
- Relating this to marketing, the purpose of extended performance and emergent performance is to involve people who may not have been involved in the first place
- Passive and active performance, direct is passive, extended is somewhere in between, emergent is active
- Need a better way of transitioning from own lens into the case studies
- Show how emergent play is more than the sum of its parts (ie, direct and extended)
- These lens’ slightly contradict themselves occasionally in this section
- Clarifying lens,
- Consider combining facebook twitter and youtube, after some more consideration these are direct performances.
- Make distinctions between the platforms, what are these used for, ie facebook posting, twitter short messages, symbols
- Bring the lens into these more.
- How does this lens let us see poly bridge differently?
- What kind of performance where the guys from Firewatch engaging in?
- How does Armello facilitate emergent play?
- What kinds of spaces are created here
- Consider more ways developers have started using this
- This needs to tie marketing and the lens’ together
- Satisfaction through engagement
- Not about the platforms it’s about what people can share and having the tools to share
- Engagement in emergent play makes players a stakeholder who has a vested interest in the performance
- How can players engage with a game before and after development?
- Would love to add this quote from Victoria “ Not only is this good as you can engage in the conversation but you can also watch and monitor the free flow of conversations for tips about what is working, what isn’t, bugs as they arise and possible ideas to further shape the development as you move forward together. The outputs and communities can be considered marketing but that is almost a bi-product of enhancing and creating the performance together with your audience.”
- Could be a good point to bring community managers into the discussion.
- The body of the essay needs to tie in better with this.
- Emergen performance is what we want, it is good to accomodate for extended performance
- But accommodating for emergent performance is best, as this drives players to create content for your games